How’s Your Fakedar?
By Kim Hamer | February 25, 2010
Angelia Jolie has to sort through her friends and decide who is her friend simply because she’s “The Angela Jolie”. Her Fakedar is really good.
How’s yours?
Fake friends are the scourge of the rich, the famous and popular 8th graders.
You say “How silly it is!”
But you remember Janice right? You know… Jaaaaniiiiiccccccce, the “nice” girl, the one who always wanted to be with you?
And you remember your other friend saying that Janice only liked you because:
· you knew George and… she liked George or
· you had a hot new car and … she wanted to borrow that hot new car or
· you throw the most hot-diggines sleepovers and … she wanted to be able to say that she went.
She wasn’t in it for you, she was it for her own gain.
Ah but you are wiser now!
Your Fakedar (fake person radar) has dust on it. You know a real friend when you find one.
That Fakedar is so… yesterday.
Only you think that the admissions director at the private elementary or high school is so nice!
I mean she talked to you about your child and said things like “He sounds absolutely delightful.” and “How wonderful!”
She laughed with you when you shared the time he sanded, then painted the front passenger side of your in-laws car with oil based paint.
And when you expressed concern about his entering kindergarten or 7th grade, she reached out, gently touched your arm and told you it will all be ok.
And you said to yourself:
“Oh she’s so nice.
“I think we have a really good chance of getting in.
“I really like this school.”
She’s Janice in disguise.
Real friends = two way interest
Fake friends = it’s all about you.
An admissions director wants to get to know you. Which isn’t a bad thing at first, right? You are your second favorite topic, second… only to your child. (And totally normal too!)
The private school admissions director wants you to like them.
The private school admissions director wants you to want to go to their school.
They want you to think the world of them even if you DON’T get in.
Because it’s
GOOD BUSINESS
A Nightmare Conversation to the Admissions Director
You (talking to your friend): “We didn’t get in. And it didn’t matter anyway. They were so rude to deal with.”
A Dream Conversation to theAdmissions Director
You (talking to your friend): “We didn’t get in and I am so sad. They were so nice. The school was wonderful and the admissions director was so warm.”
Business 101 teaches:
Be nice and they will refer.
So which conversation will inspire your friends to try to get in next year?
Dust of the fakedar.
You’re a good person. Your family has a lot to offer the school.
Remember:
friendliness does not = private school acceptance
PROOF OF A GOOD FIT = PRIVATE SCHOOL ACCEPTANCE
Topics: Application Writing, Interviewing, Uncategorized | No Comments »
How Safe Is Your Child?
By Kim Hamer | February 23, 2010
Haiti. Horror doesn’t even begin….
Four weeks later, it’s still a mess.
Living here in LA the threat of earthquakes is part of our reality.
In my back yard we have an earthquake kit filled with:
comfort food
lots of canned chili
a small camping stove
a bucket and bleach
toilet paper, masks, gloves, toothbrushes, water and several rolls of duct tape.
I get the urge to cover my hears and hum “Mary Had A Little Lamb” loudly every time I think of an earthquake. At least, I believe, if a big one hits, we’ll be able to manage for a few days.
That is….if the earthquake hits while the kids and I are at home. Chances are good it will happen when my kids are in school.
Sing loudly with me! “Mary had a little lamb, little lamb….”
How safe is your child’s school?
Even if you don ‘t live in an earthquake prone area, it’s important that you know what procedures the school has in place if there is a stranger on campus, a tornado, tsunami or (put your disaster here_________).
All schools should have a plan! The plan should encompass many points but the four you will be concerned about are:
Point 1 Does the school have an earthquake(or other disaster) plan?
Point 2 How will the school contact you?
Point 3 What happens if you can’t be reached or can’t get your child?
Point 4 Is the school equipped to keep all of the kids for 24 hours?
At one of the schools my kids attend their plan includes a school outside California. That is the school all parents are to call. They’ll relay all pertinent information to the families. Will it work? I don’t know but it’s a plan and if there is plan that means that thought has gone into how to keep my children safe.
That makes singing a little less necessary.
Can they guarantee my kids safety? Of course not and neither can I. As I have seen in my own life, tragedy happens. No reason needed.
However, if your school has a plan to protect my children, I know I don’t have to sing as loud when I think about a disaster.
What is your school’s plan?
Topics: Finding A Private School, Parenting, School Safety | No Comments »
Getting Past the Angst
By Kim Hamer | December 11, 2009
Stress is a normal reaction. We all know that over time it can cause physical damage to our bodies and our brains. The good news is you don’t have to be THAT stressed out!
So here’s to distressing you stress!
There you are at your desk, or in your car (NOT DRIVING), trying to make the most of the few minutes you have. If you’re like me, you are wondering what you will have for dinner tonight, when you will have a chance to run to the REI to get the new long underwear you need cause yours has holes at ever seam juncture. You’re also making promises to yourself. “I will start _______ tonight. (For me, it’s my financial aid application). Then there are the holiday cards that need to be ordered, stuffed, stamped or addressed. If only you didn’t need…..sleep!
The good news is that you don’t have keep your shoulders up by your ears this holiday season. I can show you how to avoid that.
Ok first. Put it all away….for five minutes. Turn off the phone, close the office door, sit in the car.
Feel better already, yes?
Since the loss of my husband, I have practiced three techniques that have helped me walk through every stressful moment. Depending how stressed I am, these techniques have worked for me in varying levels. But they ALWAYS work!
1. LOOK AT ONE thing that is causing you stress. The school applications, the holiday dinner whatever it is, isolate it in your mind.
2. WORK THE RULE OF FIVE ” In five minutes, five days, five weeks, five months and five years, how much will what I do now matter?” If you don’t get your boss a present this year how much will it matter in five months? If you don’t get the long underwear, how much will it matter in five weeks? If you don’t finish the private school applications, how much will it matter in five years?
This question allows you to focus on what is important, avoiding all the bustling because now your energy if focused.
3. BREATH. I know, I know. You’ve heard it over and over again. But breathing can interrupt your stress response which in turn can make you more productive! Here is an easy one I use
1. Just like a baby, when you inhale, focus on your abdomen rising, not your chest or shoulders.
2. Inhale slowly for two counts
3. Exhale slowly, through your nose, for 3 counts.
To get further relaxation increase the number of exhale count to 4 or 5. This exercise has put me to sleep in doctor’s offices, cars and when I’m reading to my kids. (”I think she’s asleep. Not again! Mom, mom, wake up and finish reading!)
Now will these steps make your stress disappear? Probably not, Will they help you get more done? Maybe. Will they allow you to relax a little bit, take a step back and focus on what is important to you? You bet.
So here’s to a lower stress week!
Your PS (Private School) Action Plan For This Week:
Practice this NOW!!!
Topics: Uncategorized | No Comments »
Asking for Moola
By Kim Hamer | November 19, 2009
You have a relative; a parent, an in-law, an aunt who you think might be willing to help you pay for your child’s private school education. But every time you think about asking for funding you get a funky feeling in your stomach, your heart rate goes up and your hands begin to quake. You think of all the reasons they will NOT to gift you the money and wonder if you even deserve it. These feelings are often followed by thoughts of hopelessness. You think “Why bother! I’ll figure this out myself.”
The bad news is that if you let those feelings take charge then you will be right. The bad news is that you have already made up a scenario in your head that is not based in reality but in guilt.
The good news is there is a way to ask for what you need AND maintain your pride. You can do it with confidence and sincerity, two key characteristics for people saying YES to you.
Follow these five steps and there could be a pot of gold at the end of your rainbow.
1. Call a Meeting
Could you imagine a business looking for funding, springing the idea on potential investors? It wouldn’t go well. It won’t go well if you do the same to your potential investor in your child’s education. Schedule a meeting and tell them what it will be about. To make it more official, set up lunch at a restaurant or go to their home at time you wouldn’t normally be there. Make it different from the “normal” time you might spend with them.
2. Explain Your Product
Businesses looking for funding have to explain to investors what they are investing in. My kids are the only ones in my husband’s family that attend private school. Therefore, this is a foreign idea to my in-laws. Before I met with them, I wrote down all the benefits my kids are receiving from being in a private school. For me, private schools offer the following:
a) Smaller classroom sizes
b) Individual attention to cater to my children’s needs
c) A sharper education as compared with public schools as a whole in Los Angeles
d) After my husband’s death, the community that supported us was life saving. At this crucial time in their lives, my children can remain in that community and continue to recieve support from individuals who intimately know and care about them.
e) The Head of my kid’s elementary school recently checked in with me and set up a meeting with him and with my kids four teachers. We will talk about the kids and how the teachers can offer additional support to my kids during this difficult transition.
f) Clear educational goals of the schools. I think my children are learning better and more effectively than if they had been in public school because each school has clear, unique educational goals for its students.
Hint: To make your list, ask friends who are applying to private school to list their reasons and read the schools brochures.
3. Discuss How Helping With Tuition Will Benefit Your Child and Them
Because private school is all about your child! This takes the pressure off of you and can relieve your feelings of not being a good enough parent (if you have them). Reiterate some of the reasons above, but also talk about other benefits. When considering your list, consider your audience and what’s important to them. A client of mine listed these three reasons to his aunt who valued an Ivy League education as well as meeting influential people:
a) Because of the rigorous education ___ (child’s name) has a much better chance of getting into an Ivy League college.
b) Private school will give ____ the opportunity to meet parents who can help him find internships in areas he is interested in. Thus giving him a chance to dabble in many different areas before he becomes clear on his major.
c) He will become comfortable around people with money, and therefore increase his chances of succeeding because he won’t feel like he doesn’t belong.
Your reasons may be entirely different. Just be sure to consider your audience and ask yourself, what return on investment (ROI) are they getting?
4. Tell Them How Much You Need And For How Long
How much you need for private school tuition is a personal decision. Maybe you want to apply for financial aid for ¼ of the tuition but really need about ½ of the tuition to make it affordable. Maybe you want them to cover all of elementary school, or all of high school. Make sure to discuss future plans like how you intend to pay for college. Will you borrow against your house? Have enough in savings by then? This is your opportunity to put all these numbers down on paper to see if they are feasible.
Show them their options. Anyone can give you a gift of $13,000 without worrying about being taxed. Your investor may be able to pay the school directly and avoid tax implications as well. Perhaps you’ll want to structure a loan. Make sure you research and offer options to your investor and give them the opportunity to choose which option works best for them.
5. Hand Them Something In Writing
Do not expect to receive an answer right away. Hand them something in writing so that they can crunch numbers and consider this in their own way, without you around. Set a specific day that you will contact them to follow-up. This can be the most nerve wracking part of the process, so decide HOW you will contact them before they leave the room; email, phone, or in person.
If you are fortunate enough to have a family member who can possibly pay for your child’s education, then follow these five steps and you will be off to a good start! Make sure to balance the pros and cons before you do ask. In some families it’s just better not to ask at all, while in others, all you need to do is ask! So consider your family and circumstances before you make a decision!
Your PS (Private School) Action Plan For This Week:
- 1. Identify a family member who may be able to help you afford private school.
- 2. List 7 benefits of a private school education. Make sure that three of them are ones that your potential investor shares.
- 3. Schedule a meeting with the potential investor.
- 4. Prepare well for the meeting.
- 5. Be sure to thank him or her graciously for taking the time to consider your request.
Topics: Finding the Money | No Comments »
Private School Funding Options
By Kim Hamer | November 12, 2009
Private School Funding Options
Here are three different ideas you can implement today that will put you back into motion and allow you to take control of your monetary concerns around paying for your child’s private school education. These are steps that my late husband and I did when we un-idioted ourselves. They worked for us. They have worked for clients. They can work for you!
IDEA #1 - Private School Does NOT Have To Be From K - 12!
Consider when your child will attend private school. You don’t need to send your child to private school for all 13 years! When looking at your child’s whole school experience, other than college what do you think are the most important educational years? Elementary school, where they build a foundation for learning? High school, where the rigors often prepare kids well for college? Middle school, where kids learn how to study and grades don’t count? Your child does not have to attend private school from K - 12 grades. If paying for K - 12 is overwhelming, paying for part of it is a great way to relieve the pressure and assuage the guilt.
It is simply NOT TRUE that if your child doesn’t go to private elementary school she will not get into private high school. Schools like diversity and a public school kid fits that definition.
IDEA #2 - Create A Spending Plan NOW!
I know, I’ve already said that in an earlier newsletter, but good things cannot be over stated. Spending plans allow you to see where you are spending your money. When you track your spending you may find a leak. My husband and I found that we were burning through $600 cash a month for little expensive odds and ends. Leak fixed.
Get receipts for everything. Once you know where you are spending your money, you will be surprised at how easy (and satisfying) it is to cut back in areas where you can.
IDEA #3 - Start a Coverdell Educational Savings Account (ESA) NOW!
If you have a child in preschool and you decide that private middle and high school is more important, then this is great option. With the Coverdell you can put away up to $2,000 a year. It’s not a lot but if you are saving for 6 years with an interest rate of 5%, it adds up.
The Coverdell Savings Plan can be used for educational needs from K -12 AND for college. No matter what your schooling decision, it will ease the stress level when it comes to paying for anything school related. Of course, there are restrictions. Read the publication carefully.
http://www.irs.gov/publications/p970/ch07.html
You may not be able to afford private elementary school today, but with a little planning you will be able to do it later. It won’t be easy but really, since when have all the really satisfying things we accomplish in life been easy. And that is what makes them so satisfying.
Your PS (Private School) Action Plan For This Week:
1. Download my free monthly budget spreadsheet:
http://www.getintoprivateschool.com/resources.html
2. Open a Coverdell ESA account today:
http://www.savingforcollege.com/coverdell_esa_providers/
(Other banks also do them. Talk to your financial advisor for other options.)
Topics: Uncategorized | No Comments »
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